i have an old man in my chimney

I woke up a little late this morning because I can. My classes don't start till 1 pm. I'd go for a walk, but the wind and cedar outside are frightful, and I'm running out of Allegra.

As I'm sitting in my kitchen/living room drinking coffee and waiting for my eggs (ehem, egg beaters) to cook, I've realized a few things.

1. There's a dog in this apartment complex that I'd like to kill.
2. I have yet to meet the neighbors who just moved in across the way. Last night, John and I met residents from two other units. Kelly and Bobby. Kelly has the pretty cat that I like to pet but then immediately run upstairs to wash my hands before coming in contact with any other materials that could harvest more cat dander and later cause me to break out in hives.
3. The wind whipping through my 3rd floor fireplace sounds like an old man wheezing. I could not be more accurate with this description. If you don't believe me, you're a moron. I'm actually afraid that someone from the 1st or 2nd floors has an old man stashed in his/her fireplace.
4. I should amend #1. I don't want to kill the dog. It's not his fault that he's cooped up all day in a tiny 1 or 2 bedroom apartment or in a kennel or on the porch or in a kennel on the porch. I'd yell a lot, too, if that were me. No, I'd like to kill his owner(s).
5. Our apartment's tiny. We've considered moving, but opted to get me a car instead. One payment increase at a time, please. But I'm glad now that we didn't move. Now that we've had this place for a year (John's been here since last March, but no, I didn't move in till we got married, people. Geez.) I think we've finally figured it out. We even managed to put a washer/dryer in two weeks ago. It took some major recall from playing the games Jenga and Tetris and some genes from my father, the aptly named "Master Packer." But everything fits and fits well.
6. My eggs (ahem, egg beaters) are getting cold.
7. I should amend #4. I really don't want to kill anyone. Maybe the owner(s) is/are out looking for doggy daycare right now. Who am I to judge? And I'm sure the dog is really cute, too. Despite the incessant barking from 7:30 am to whenever. Dog and owner(s) should not feel that their lives are threatened this lovely, albeit windy, cold, and cloudy, morning. I recant my statements re: the desire to kill anyone.
8. My last thought this morning (just the last one recorded, but have no fear, I will continuing to think. I think) is that I will never grow too old or too cool to drink trash. For those who remember fantastic weekends working in the Pine Cove Ranch kitchen, trash is what we lived for. One cup coffee, one packet hot cocoa, and the optional packet of sugar. I forgo the sugar, but the only additive in my morning coffee is two scoops of hot cocoa mix. This habit really makes it hard for me to have coffee anywhere else. But if you're at Starbucks, the Mocha Latte with a shot of vanilla will ease your distress. The cold version is a vanilla mocha frappicino? don't quote me on that. I just said that "I'd like the Mocha latte with a shot of vanilla, cold." I let the pros figure it out. Yes, I officially drink coffee. But only Monday mornings before my early lab. Or Wed/Fri when I might wake up later and need extra help becoming alert. Or Tues/Thu before work, so I don't scare the kids with "dull Pam." Or Sundays on my way to church because it's just good sense. So I don't drink it too much. But I always have trash.

Shoot, the old man is wheezing again, and I swear he's about to climb out of my chimney. This is going to make all my nightmares about Santa come true.

I'm outta here.