I love my job...

...so very very much. Every aspect is fantastic.

I have incredible employers. Gary and Michelle are truly great people. They have the most wonderful work ethic, and it shows the most in how they treat me. They call me a member of their family, allow me to make their home my own, take me out to fun places (the lake, a rodeo, great meals, you know...) and PAY me for it, let me hang out at their house on a Saturday evening and order pizza while watching a movie...and PAY me for it, share stories with me, complain about each other to me, give me a great Christmas bonus and paid time off so that I can volunteer at camp. I love getting to work in the morning and talking with Michelle about anything...the kids, work, our husbands, life and everything else. She gets home at 5:30, but I inevitably don't leave the house until 6 pm. We have too much fun sharing stories. I love my job.

I have incredible kids. Christopher, Jack and Lauren can light up my darkest days. I've known them for just a year and a half. But they're like my own. I've seen them take their first steps and say their first words, giggled endlessly with them, run around the backyard together, spent hours on the couch reading books and making animal noises, danced to music, colored great scribbly pictures, helped them get dirty in the sand and soil and clean in the bathtub. The list goes on.

Christopher is high energy, always running. He's got a quick temper, but is learning to manage his impatience. And he is the most compassionate of his siblings. He is a great helper and loves to make sure his sister and brother have juice and crackers. His grin will break your heart.

Jack is so focused and always learning. He sings on key, is always engaged in books and loves to constantly have "moo-sic" playing. He stands tall above Christopher and Lauren and is eager to give kisses to those he loves. He's the pickiest eater in town, but would drink his body weight in juice if you let him. His giggles will melt any pain in the world.

Lauren is my blooming flower. That girl puts more effort into her day than you would think is possible for her little self. She's an independent spirit of a fickle sort. She likes things her way, but wants you in her life more than anything. She babbles like a preteen with unlimited minutes and loves to laugh at the antics of her crazy brothers. She gives the best hug I've ever known, and when her small arms grip the back of your neck you'd wish time could stand still.

I love my job.

I love these kids so much that my heart aches. Good day or bad, they demand my whole self. They're worth so much more than I can give, but they let me know that what I have is enough. I can't stand to be angry at them. I hate feeling like I haven't been patient enough or attentive enough or loving enough. I go home at the end of each day so utterly exhausted that I know they must have gotten all of me. I love these kids.

That's why it's so...I can't even think of a word...anyway, I'm losing my job. In the next 3 or 4 months, I'll be transitioning to something new while I help the McDaniels pack up and move out of Austin. Gary's taking a new job and Michelle will be adopting full-time mom duties. I'm thrilled for their new adventure. But I'm heartbroken at my loss.

I am completely aware, in my mind and my heart, that God is moving me forward to new and exciting times. I have the opportunity to look for a new job. Maybe I'll work at the hospital as a Child Life Assistant. Maybe I'll get a new nannying position. Maybe I'll work less. I know that the McDaniels will still be in my life. They're not moving far away, though anything outside of City Limits is too far. And knowing that I won't see the kids every other day is maddening.

I've never had a best friend move. I've met people that I've loved, and we've gone different directions, but it was a mutual activity. I've had friends pass away. Even then I feel like I had more warning and more control. This seems different.

My Daddy and Madre called me last Friday night, and I told them the news. They were comforting and faithfully logical. God will provide. God has a fabulous, wise plan. God is gracious. And I am so grateful. I know in my head and in my heart that this is good. I am sad and occasionally scared. But I love my God. And I know that He cares for me and my kids.

And soon...I'll have another job to love.