Today my baby is one week old...

...yet it seems like time has been standing still. I actually am surprised I was aware of this first milestone. Except that we have an upcoming appointment, I have pretty much forgotten what day it is. But that is fairly typical for most "new" parents. I recall being in a post-labor stupor when Jack was born. My days were filled with nursing that little boy, watching 2 seasons of Downton Abbey, and slowly strolling around the neighborhood.

Our days are once again filled, but this time it's driving back and forth to the hospital, spending as much time as possible with each of our boys, and resting whenever we can find a moment. As is usual for most moms post-labor, my emotions ride a steep roller coaster. I've experienced such a wild mess of feelings since this boy entered our world, and I know it is only beginning. Against my usual pattern, I am allowing myself to cry whenever the urge hits, even if it is in the middle of a conversation with a nurse in the center of the NICU bay. It is humbling.

In one week, I have witnessed my son fight for life and grow a little stronger each day. When he was born, he was limp and quiet. Just moments before, in my womb, he was kicking and moving hard. It was like an impossible dream, like a different child had been born. I couldn't believe that the active child I had been feeling for months was lying motionless. Praise God, he responded to the ventilator and we have seen since that his lungs are initiating most of his breathing. We will meet with an Ear Nose and Throat doctor in the coming days to determine if something is obstructing his airway. After just a few days on the ventilator, our feisty child pulled the breathing tube out and seemed to declare he wanted to try this on his own. His doctors allowed him to stay off the vent, using the support of a CPAP machine instead. After 24 hours, Luke appeared to be wearing down, trying too hard to breathe. Wanting to keep him strong and calm for his upcoming heart procedure, the Neonate team opted to place him back on the vent to assist him better. He has since been under close watch, because he continues to threaten to pull the tube out. I have to admit John and I have encouraged him a little bit. We don't mind him fighting back!

We continue to wait for our little one to open his eyes. We are anxious to see his full face. We are anxious for many things, really. I am relearning Philippians 4:4-7. I am learning to let all my requests be made known to God. I am waiting for the peace that surpasses my understanding. I am asking God to guard my heart and mind as we encounter more information and experience than we believe we can handle. We are rejoicing in small victories and asking for even bigger ones.

We incidentally took our first family picture today, as Luke was being transported to the truck that would take him to Dell for his first major procedure. Jack got to see his brother in person for just the second time since he was born. At Dell, he will have closer contact with Luke in his private room. We are hopeful that we get to spend more time with both our boys together. Again, we are hopeful for many things.

We cannot thank our community enough for the prayers, gifts, meals, and kind words. Though we have not yet been able to have visitors at the hospital, we know we are not alone. Ultimately, we know our God has known the days, weeks and years ahead of us since before we had a breathe in our own lungs. We know He is 'at hand'. And so we rejoice.

"Rejoice in the Lord always; again I will say, rejoice. Let your reasonableness be known to everyone. The Lord is at hand; do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus."

Philippians 4:4-7