In the couple weeks since our "good news appointment", our perspective on the future has drastically shifted. I've gone from dreading the experience of Luke's birth to talking about taking him home soon after delivery. I often can't comprehend the thought that he may not have to be in the NICU. Knowing the fervor with which he has kicked and tumbled inside me these last few days, I am more and more aware of his strength and vitality. Some moments, I almost wish he had less strength! And then I immediately try to retract that thought. :)
I woke up a couple days ago and was suddenly acutely aware that we only have about 11 weeks till we meet this boy. And then all at once, I can't think straight anymore! I've been exhausted, achy, craving sleep, and feeling sore all over. I'm still running a couple times a week, and sometimes I regret it! I've noticed that I've started moving at a snail's pace when trying to accomplish basic tasks. I was 20 minutes late to work today...just because. Because I couldn't move any faster!
And then this Sunday, (as I moved slowly to get ready for bed) I was slammed by the thought that we will soon have TWO children. Stunning thought, really. Not sure how I missed that one! As I considered this reality, I was overwhelmed with thoughts of being...overwhelmed. Jack had required quite a bit of energy this weekend as he struggles with new teeth, or lack of sleep, or just becoming two years old. It was hard to tell. Previously, John and I have been more than happy to offer him whatever energies we have. Now, with another child on the way, those energies will be divided. And I sat Sunday night engulfed in worry. I had to spend a lot of time praying that God would take away those worries. I know from experience that He will provide the necessary strength! But I still had some trouble sleeping that night. What followed next, as though God wrapped a beautiful gift overnight and laid it at my feet, was a day filled with joy and laughter from beginning to end.
Jack and I both got to sleep in, then spent the morning playing before taking our weekly trip to the grocery store. Actually, he hadn't made a grocery run with me in a few weeks, and it was bordering on his lunch hour (I would have left earlier if I hadn't been moving so slowly!) so I was a little worried about how he (okay, we) would survive the outing. In fact, on the first aisle, he was already protesting sitting in the cart. Oh boy. But when I let him walk beside me, I was joyfully surprised at his wonderful behavior. Sure, I know it won't be great all the time, but yesterday he displayed all the beautiful qualities I know he has. The store was nearly empty (note to self...great time to shop!) so I didn't have opportunities to 'take pride' in his behavior as others watched. Instead, I just got to enjoy this delightful gift of fun that God granted me. We went home and had a good lunch, and then my sweet boy took an extra long nap, which allowed me extra time at the gym (the Hubs works from home...awesome!). That evening, we played outside and had a sweet, delicious family dinner. More playing and laughter, then it was time for bed.
I know this sounds like a lot of bragging about my perfect life. I can trust that you've read my blogs before and know my life isn't perfect. What I mean to convey is the beauty that was found in a single day. I also can't shake the thought that I was intensely wrapped up in my son's activities yesterday and found a great deal of peace and comfort in him. And I know that peace and comfort was a sweet blessing from God. He was reminding me to take pleasure in the gifts He has already laid at my feet. He was comforting me after a few days of battling my son's wacky emotions. He was telling me that He takes joy in my obedience and talents and personality just as I do with my own child. He was telling me He loves me.
Despite all of yesterday's awesomeness, I woke this morning after a fairly sleepless night and felt completely worn down. Remember how I was 20 minutes late to work? Yeah, the entire day felt like sloth central. But what kept me moving forward and helped me to actually be productive on this Sleepy Tuesday was the memory of my Glorious Monday. Isn't this how we should live continually? Shouldn't we meditate on God's works and trust His plan? From each day to the next, this is my constant striving.
So my spirit grows faint within me; my heart within me is dismayed.
I remember the days of long ago; I meditate on all your works
and consider what your hands have done.
I spread out my hands to you;I thirst for you like a parched land.
...Show me the way I should go, for I entrust you my life.
Psalm 143:4-6, 8b
1 comment:
Love love LOVE this! Thank you for the inspiring verse at the bottom... I certainly needed that today. Sending prayers for more special days with your sweet boy before your NEW sweet little man arrives! :)
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